How To Tell If He (Or She) Is Into You
Hedda is recuperating from her traumatic encounter with the dog. During her recovery, she has had some down time to rest and reflect. She’s had a few hard knocks in life, which makes her think she can advise others on how to avoid the pitfalls she’s encountered. Today she’d like to share her insight on how to tell if that special someone is just as into you as you are into them.
Hedda has been unlucky in love. She’s learned quite a bit from bitter experience, most recently as she gets the cold shoulder from Tony Stark (would it kill him to send a get well card?). These are her thoughts. Take them for what they’re worth.
1. They don’t get up and leave when you join their table. As surprising as it may seem, most folks like to be with their love interests. If they don’t mind standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you, an occasional flirtatious touch, or when you lick their face*, then view that as a positive sign. If they put physical distance between you at every opportunity, that’s another matter.
2. They do not avoid eye contact. You look at them, they look back at you. If they smile or even blush, then Hedda has good news for you (see #4). If they avoid eye contact with you at the cost of walking into doorways or falling out of windows, Hedda would advise you to go after someone a little more graceful. Health insurance is expensive these days, something to bear in mind when looking for a mate. Sometimes your wallet needs to come ahead of your heart.
3. They return your calls. Some of you might be looking for a magic number of times you can call before they return your messages, but Hedda doesn’t have one. She notes that leaving messages until their voicemail is so full they have no choice but to listen to them is ineffective. Her guess is that texting has a similar limit, and that you should at least stop to have a sandwich between each try. Your crush could be eating, sleeping, showering, or pursuing other activities that help them stay alive, and so remain a potential mate. That’s assuming that kind of thing is important to you.**
4. They seek you out. You enter the room, and you lock eyes with your crush. If your crush smiles back and approaches, you either have a friend or they’re interested. Congratulations – you have inspired positive feelings about you in another person! This is a beneficial life skill. If they seek you out and initiate any kind of physical contact, even better! ***
5. Their hints and flirtations do not require the Rosetta Stone to decipher them. The following clues are ambiguous and should not be acted upon without more concrete evidence: They like your Facebook status. They allow you to buy them ice cream. They commend you for taking a bath. These clues may not be clues at all. In fact, they may be nothing more than common politeness or a willingness to let you buy them things. Do not let yourself fall into the trap of reading more into the color of their sneakers than is actually meant. Sometimes a shoe is just a shoe. Sometimes an ice cream cone is nothing more than a dessert.
Hedda is no expert, but she has learned from experience, and hopes her advice and warnings come in handy. As always, when seeking advice on the internet, consult your own common sense and legal counsel before acting on what you find.
*Note: Hedda does not condone face-licking without due warning and/or permission. She is also taking my advice into consideration, that licking someone’s face is not an appropriate ice breaker.
**Hedda does not believe in being shallow, but will concede that hygiene might matter to non-trolls.
***We still advise against face-licking at this juncture.